HopkinsParent Blog

Summer is a great time to focus on being together as a family. There are long hours of unstructured time, sometimes there are vacations and always there are activities galore. This together time is also a great time to start to focus on ways to build “goodbye” into the routine when the new school year begins.

We often shift into the school year in autumn with a whoosh of relief (yes relief!!) for the chance to move back to a little structure and to provide an opportunity for our children to have their own experiences again.  As parents, though, we tend to forget that this is a major transition to a young child.  He was pretty content spending long hours with us, and has forgotten—or has not yet ever had the experience—of having to say goodbye to mom or dad in order to get involved in preschool or kindergarten or a child care center.

The staff at the Hopkins School District Stepping Stones program discussed the benefits of early preparation with your child concerning goodbye. We thought we would share some ideas and activities and strategies for helping your child get used to the idea of saying goodbye—and helping him build the trust that you will always return-during the summer.  Doing some prep work in the comfortable cozy season of summer can help your child develop confidence when faced with the prospect of saying goodbye on that first day of school in autumn.

When there are opportunities to say goodbye to your child during this summer—even if it is just going out for the evening and leaving your child with a babysitter, begin a simple routine around saying goodbye.  This may include a hug, a brief statement reassuring him that you will come back (children have a need to hear you say this—we know it is true, but children don’t always believe it easily) and a wave at the door.  Then exit with confidence. This simple routine can help them begin to feel comfortable with the idea of separating from you, and gives them some actions to help them transition into the goodbye.

A goodbye routine can be silly or serious; create a routine that fits your personality, but be intentional about what you do. Some parents have a silly song to say goodbye, some parents blow three kisses to their child, others have a hug and kiss. As long as you build a consistent and short routine, what you do doesn’t matter. Using the routine every time you say goodbye is what your child needs.  As this routine becomes habit throughout the summer, it will become a natural way to say goodbye during your child’s first separation at school or child care. Even though the surroundings will be new, the actions you take with your child will be familiar and comfortable, and that will help your child feel settled and confident.

Your child will likely show you that he is unhappy with the separation when you say goodbye. However, it is much harder on your child and the caretaker if you slip away without saying anything to your child to avoid facing the anger or tears. This leaves your child panicked when they turn around in their play and realize you have disappeared. Allowing your child to show their emotions around having to say goodbye is a valuable gift to him. Show your child that you are confident in his ability to handle the separation. In addition, show your child you are confident in the abilities of the caretaker you are leaving him with. Use the routine to ground yourself in saying goodbye, and then exit the room.

Often, our heart breaks when we hear the tears that follow our departure; trust that the care provider is able to handle the sadness and allow them to do so. When we leave our children with caretakers in the summer it is often with family and friends whom we already trust completely. The practice that we have in trusting others will serve us well as parents when we need to transfer that trust to the caretakers during the school year. Allow yourself to believe in the ability of the teachers to handle your child’s sadness in the same way your other trusted adults do so. (Teachers of young children have seen sadness at separation many times, and have found very effective ways of handling and comforting the child).

When summer begins to fade, and the school year gets closer, be sure to talk with your child about what they can expect now that they will shortly be going to kindergarten / preschool / child care. Talk openly and honestly about the goodbye that they will say in the morning, and about your return at the end of the program day. Remind them of the successes they have had in the summer when they have said goodbye to you and have had a great time during the separation.  Reading books about saying goodbye can help to begin the conversation with your child about what it will be like to have a first day of “school”. One book on this topic that staff has come to greatly appreciate is The Kissing Hand, by Audrey Penn.

Remember that summer is the season that is “in the moment”. Enjoy the many moments of togetherness that arise. When you find an opportunity to help your child experience a goodbye, help them feel successful in that moment with an eye toward the future school year.

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School days are coming to an end, and summer is stretched out in all its glory!  Having longer days and weather designed for picnics and beach trips helps all families to forget the long and difficult months of winter.  It is also a great time to reinvigorate our outside play energy.

The Kaleidoscope preschool staff discussed how important it is for our children to get outside during every season. We thought we would share the many good reasons for encouraging outdoor play.  Getting into the practice of going outdoors when it is easiest—in the summer—will help to build the habit for continuing outdoor adventures when the weather can be a bit more daunting.

Research is telling us that outside, unstructured play is greatly beneficial to children cognitively, physically and emotionally. An opportunity to work off the huge stores of childish energy through an hour’s worth of active play a day (at least an hour) will help your child stay physically fit. After physical play they are better able to focus on cognitive tasks with focus and attention. In addition, the peace and quiet that surrounds a child while she is outdoors helps to restore her emotionally—it is an escape from the constant rush of sounds and lights and beeps and bells that accost us all daily.

Adults often ask children to complete tasks in an effort to further their academic or developmental abilities. We focus in on one or two concepts and work in a linear fashion to help our child meet our goals. Whether it is learning to recognize shapes or colors, learn to crawl or walk, learn to say words or begin to learn to read them. All of these tasks are important; but we sometimes go through things in too singular a fashion.

We don’t remember that if a child is immersed in an environment and left to herself to create an activity, these things will be learned in a context that keeps her interest because it appeals to the whole child.  Taking a walk with a child through the woods, or even around the backyard, allows a child to be learning at every single moment. The movement of the body through the world teaches physical skills in a way that gymanstic class drills cannot match.  Excited exclamations about a worm in the soil, a bud on a tree or a bird flying high in the sky builds a natural bridge for a parent to be talking about the “oozy” worm (vocabulary), the green bud (colors) or the birds that fly in the shape of an arrow (shapes) in the autumn sky. When a parent gives her child the opportunity to explore the natural world around her, she is providing a chance for the child’s mind and body to work together, using all the different modalities of learning (cognitive, physical, emotional, social, language, spatial awareness, the list can go on and on and on).

Playing outside does not need to happen only in ideal conditions.  Finding a way to enjoy the natural weather even when it is raining, or a little colder or warmer than you would prefer, helps you and your child appreciate the varying beauty of the world we live in. Find the outer-wear that suits you both, and get out the door. Remember, your children’s energy stores don’t dwindle if the weather is less than perfect. They need to have physical exercise every day. Your child will be overjoyed if he gets the opportunity to explore the world when it is dripping with rain. As your child gets older there are fewer and fewer chances to really get dirty and muddy and fully experience the joy of splashing in puddles. Enjoy being able to give this experience to your child—the bathtub will wash away everything but the memory.

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The end of Hopkins ECFE classes is a bittersweet time for most families. The excitement for some parents as they look forward to kindergarten or preschool is offset by the fact that they will be saying goodbye to friendships that have grown strong. Some groups of parents have been together for years. It can be very powerful to share parenting experiences—the wonderful and the challenging—with a group of supportive peers. This is one of the great values of early childhood family education—the sense of community that comes from providing a supportive atmosphere for all families.

One way to keep this sense of community alive is to continue to meet in playgroups throughout the “off” season of ECFE.  In addition, having lost the weekly structure of classes, many parents are looking for places to go and let their children work off all that summer-time energy!  The parents in our ECFE classes have compiled a list of parks and places that are toddler friendly. Use the list to inspire new gathering spots for your summer time play-dates, or to encourage your family to explore new places in the Twin Cities.

Parks that work well for toddlers:
Brookview, on 55 and Winnetka
Lions Park on Glenwood Avenue (this park has the “Puppet Wagon” puppet shows)
Junction Park on Excelsior Blvd
Hidden Valley on Boone and 32^nd in New Hope
Three Rivers Park System has lots of parks with lots of great amenities

Toddler friendly wading pools and water fun:
Oak Hill Splash Pad on Rhode Island Avenue in St. Louis Park
Linden Hills Park with wading pool
Elm Creek Park has a chlorinated lake
Shady Oak Lake
Manor Park in Robbinsdale
North Mississippi Regional Park
St. Louis Park Recreation Center water park—has a toddler only morning option.
Crystal Community Pool—has Little Splashers toddler only time
Parker Lake in Plymouth

More places that are fun to visit:
Westwood Hills Nature Center in St. Louis Park (has Nature for the Very Young program)
Richardson Nature Center—has a naturescape (natural playground)
Arboretum-has a naturescape
Golden Valley Library—with Vehicle Wednesdays
Hopkins Library has a play area designed by the Children’s Museum
Wild Rumpus Bookstore in Minneapolis
Kiddiewumpus Art Store in St. Louis Park
MN Zoo
Como Zoo
Children’s museum—has toddler Tuesdays (not all Tuesdays)

Farmer’s Markets: Lots to look at, great food and often free entertainment:
Mill City Market in Minneapolis
Near the Basilica—Minneapolis
Hopkins—very small and toddler friendly
Minnetonka—music in the park afterwards
New Hope
Golden Valley
St. Louis Park Recreation Center

Other Events to Look Forward to:
Harley Family Center Summer Fun
Harley Family Center Vehicle Fair
Harley Family Center / Hopkins Police Department Daddy and Me Reading Event
Crystal Community Center Vehicle Fair
Fire Station Open Houses-each city hosts one
Puppet Wagon Puppet Shows—this travels to various parks in the area

If you are interested in learning more about any of the places, parks or events on this list, feel free to Google them to get more information. Or call up one of your neighbors or ECFE friends and ask them if they have ever heard of it. Then make a date for your families to do something together.  Celebrate the joy of building your community in the Minnesota sunshine!

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Moving from bottle feeding or nursing to solids is a process filled with fuzzy guidelines.  The transition from a liquid diet to eating table food is not a step- by-step process.  It involves slowly introducing food items that are more and more solid and taking the time your baby needs to help him get used to the tastes, textures and practicalities of this shift.

How to successfully move away from the bottle completely is one topic that is often discussed by parents.  Baby is often equally invested in getting older and eating what other family members do and in taking comfort from the soothing and familiar action of sucking. Because of this, parents often have difficulty adjusting to the varying needs of their child.

The early childhood staff at Harley Family Center talked about the slow process that babies go through to ultimately reach table food / cup proficiency.  Although the time line will need to be adjusted for the unique needs of your baby, here are some general thoughts around helping your child move away from the bottle and towards the table.

There is so much learning involved in eating new items—and the actions required of the mouth are really very different when eating solids (even rice cereal thickened up a bit) and drinking from a bottle. In addition, the body has to adjust to digesting different sorts of materials, something that requires a significant shift. Because of this, the early experiences with solids are really more of  “how-to” learning than a nutritional experience.  The early weeks of solids feeding involves a continuation of nursing or bottle feeding, in order to meet the nutritional needs of baby (consider the small amount of food that is actually being consumed!). This can happen at the same meal as the solids feeding–either before or after exploring with the solid foods.

As baby becomes more proficient in eating the food offered, better able to digest the slowly varying array of foods that are presented, and becomes more interested in eating rather than nursing, then the liquid meal will become replaced by the solids meal.  However, an actual solid food meal first happens only one time a day, and therefore there is nursing or bottle feeding at other times of day. When the solid meal becomes a real meal, something that feels substantial, then present your child with a cup during that meal. The cup before the age of 1 should have formula or breastmilk in it, so that the nutritional value is high.  At this point, pairing a cup with a meal provides baby with a direct contrast between when we have a bottle and when we have a cup. A cup is for meals, a bottle is for snacks.

This slow progression happens throughout the course of weeks and months, and as solid meals take over liquid meals the bottle tends to lose it’s feeding importance. This can be talked about in simple terms: “We drink from a cup when we eat food”.  Baby may show less and less interest in the bottle.  As snacks are also replaced with solid foods, then baby gets cups for the snacks as well. This progression helps baby to see cup drinking as the “growing up” way of doing things.

By the age of one, your baby-now-toddler is generally taking her nutrition from food. Often pediatricians will begin to encourage you to remove the bottle completely. This can be a difficult last step because although baby has moved away from the bottle for nutrition, there is often a true sense of comfort during the sleepy times and cuddly times that are associated with bottle drinking. It can be difficult for parents to let go of this soothing time as well.

Child development advocates and medical / dental experts can sometimes see the same issue with different lenses. When you receive advice from either, consider it in light of the needs of your child, the needs of your family and the reasons for moving on the path that you are moving. Take the advice and information you receive from both areas of expertise and let the two work together, rather than letting one set of opinions overwhelm the other. Parenting is, after all, the grand art of balancing. One thing that makes this clear is the balancing act between a liquid diet and solid food diet.

By the age of one your toddler is likely using the bottle for comfort, rather than nutrition, because the nutrition is coming from the food. In order to take away the bottle around this time, replace the bottle with something that will provide an equal amount of comfort for your child. A stuffed animal, blanket or some other “lovey” will help your child find comfort in a different way and allow him to gradually see the bottle as less of a comfort item.

Begin shifting the liquid in the bottle to water. You can do this by gradually mixing the two liquids. Mix more and more water into the bottle and less and less formula or milk and soon you will have an all water bottle. This may be enough for you child to lose interest in the bottle.

Your toddler understands your simple sentences, even if he does not reply.  Choose a simple sentence to introduce him to the idea that he will soon be letting go of his bottle permanently. “We have the bottle during sleepy times. Never in the crib / bed.” (Going to sleep with a bottle full of milk or formula can cause a deterioration of the teeth. Refrain from letting your child sleep with the bottle as you see teeth develop). This can start to frame for him the limits you have set on its usage.  Remember to offer the other “lovey” item during times when your child needs comfort. Don’t be surprised if this other comfort item is mouthed / chewed / or sucked on in order for your child to feel comfort. For a child who is particularly oral, you may find that throughout life they relieve tenseness orally. They may be the adult that chews on a pencil, chews gum or sucks on hard candy during stressful times.

If you are having a difficult time removing the bottle completely, your child may need more time getting used to the idea. By giving them that time, and filling up that waiting period with a focus on another comfort item and lots of cuddles, hugs and kisses without a bottle around, your child will greet the idea again a little later with more confidence and ability. Again, parenting is a true balancing act—sometimes we need to balance what our toddler needs against the pressure we are sensing to remove the item they most associate with comfort.

Your child will move to cup use, lose the need for the bottle and find comfort in other items as you shift through the maze of solids feeding. Along the way your child will be building his skills for independence, growing more interested in the world around him and be able to find comfort and interest in a wider variety of things. This is when the bottle will become a piece of his babyhood—a memory.

If you are interested in learning more about the journey your family will take as you move from a liquid diet to a solids diet with your toddler, Ellyn Satter’s web site is a great resource.  She provides excellent information around helping your family create a healthy and respectful mealtime.

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Babies and toddlers are lucky when they find a way to soothe themselves early in life.  Many young children soothe themselves orally with the use of a pacifier or a thumb.  Parents have often seen the power of a well placed “paci”, and when children are very young the adults around them are happy to encourage sucking as a method for keeping calm.

As children get older there tends to be more discomfort at the continued use of this strategy for self-soothing. The early childhood staff at Harley discussed the various approaches to thumb / paci use, and thought we would share our thoughts on how to approach your child’s use of these methods throughout the early years.

Both the ECFE early childhood staff  and the American Dental Association (ADA) agree that sucking on a thumb or pacifier is a good strategy for self-soothing. The ADA states that a parent should discourage the use of this habit when the child turns four years old; due to it’s potential at that time to negatively affect teeth.

A child is likely to naturally move away from this habit between the ages of two and four, because the focus for the child becomes more about exploring the world around her. This deepening interest in the world and active participation in activities tend to shove out the habit of sucking on a thumb or pacifier.

When a child has found a habit for soothing that is successful and helps her to meet the world with more strength, we as parents can feel comfortable encouraging that habit, even in the face of comments from disapproving strangers or relatives. Babies and toddlers face a lot of challenging situations because so many things are new and difficult for them. If a child has found a way to meet those challenges, we can allow that strategy to work for them.

As your child gets older,she is well served by gently setting limits on where she can use the pacifier or suck her thumb. A child is most likely to need the comfort when she is tired or facing some stress. We can first limit its use in situations where the child feels comfortable and there is little stress.  In a situation where a parent limits the use of a pacifier, it is highly recommended that something is provided to replace the support and comfort that the pacifier or thumb sucking represents. A stuffed animal, doll or “lovey” can be encouraged. If your child is asked to leave her pacifier at home, give her the option to choose a “special spot” for the cherished object while it is left at home. In this way, your child will know that it is safe at and waiting for her during her nap or bed time.

If the limit setting is pushed too early, and it is difficult for your child to comply, it is likely that she is not yet developmentally ready to let go of this method for soothing herself.  If your child is not yet four years old, feel free to take a break from this limit setting and come back to it a little later. Your child will ultimately be able to stop this habit, but it may be more on her time schedule than yours.

Children are designed to push themselves and to grow up. They do this by meeting challenges and stress every day. They persevere through difficulty, they struggle through problems and they push themselves to achieve regularly. If your toddler has found a strategy to help her through these early-year uphill climbs, be proud of her ability to self-soothe. She will meet the challenge of shifting her habits when her age and her development allow her to be ready for it.

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We can help!  Our trained and experienced staff know just how much exploring and learning fun explodes for children in the summer months!  Nature and outside play add to the limitless possibilities for engaging, active learning.  Hopkins Public Schools has two exciting summer program options for your preschool-aged child.

Summer Adventures is a part-day, part-week program for children ages three to five years located at the Harley Hopkins Family Center in Hopkins from June 5 to June 28, 2012. Section  1 – Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays from 9-11:30 am or Section 2 – Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays from 12:30 – 3:00 pm

Tuition for the month long session is $175.  Tuition assistance may be available.

Need a longer day and full week program for your child?  Stepping Stones Summer Before Kindergarten Program is open from 6:45 am to 6 pm, five days a week at three locations:  Gatewood Elementary School, Eisenhower Elementary School, and Tanglen Elementary School.  Join us for rich classroom and outdoor learning fun, field trips around the community and St. Louis Park pool visits.  The summer program runs from June 14 to August 17, 2012.  Tuition is $800/month.

For more information about either of these opportunities, call 952.988.5000 or visit us at www.hopkinsschools.org/preschool.

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Watch for your Summer/Fall 2012 Early Childhood Family Education catalogs arriving in homes soon. ECFE is Early Childhood Family Education. It’s for you and your young children — birth to pre-kindergarten. Join us for parent/child sessions, workshops, Hopkins Preschools, special family events, and many other fun and learning activities that will benefit you and your child. Lottery registrations are due by noon on April 19, get your registration in now and get ready for ECFE!

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